Only Fools Don't Change Their Minds
by WonderousPlaceForAnEcho
Summary: Story of Chloe and Beca. Alternating viewpoints. Occurs post college. How they started, how they try, how they fall as individuals and how they try again. Will include banter, drama, music references.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Title comes from this amazing children's book called Downpour by Emily Martin. The illustrations are beautiful. In her author's note she says only fools don't change their minds. Worth reading/looking at. This is my first and likely only Pitch Perfect story. I thought they had great chemistry. This is a little AU. A what if Chloe kept Beca a secret but they were dating and the story of how they tried and keep trying. When I can imagine it in my head and play it out by scene that's a tell I should write it out. Here's what came from that what if scenario. Thank you for reading. Chapter 1...

* * *

Your heart is worth having a dialog with. In the way heartbeats are skittering words, hesitant pauses, and a need to say what is felt over what is thought.

Blue paper, black frame, and the most important post it note Chloe received.

She had shown it to Aubrey once after Beca had left for the studio. Her best friend had come over for their monthly brunch. Years later Aubrey still wasn't exactly cheering for Beca-claiming she was emotionally distant to Chloe.

With certainty and a calmness that came with knowing more the red head gracefully held out her index finger the post it was attached to. It didn't have to be thrust or dramatically proven that Beca gave more behind closed doors. The brunette was a private person and she respected that. Aubrey…not so much.

That changed a few seconds after the blonde read the note taking it in with a frown. Chloe noticed her best friend read it numerous times before opening her mouth, shutting it again, and frowning at the note,

"She wrote this?"

"Yes," Chloe sighed. "She said she couldn't write lyrics or that bits of things didn't mean a song could happen, but she'd write things and leave them by my side of the bed. Usually next to a latte. I think she could have owned a starbucks with how often she went."

Aubrey nodded slowly and narrowed her cat-like eyes. "You're rambling." She sat back on the chair more. "And she apparently spoiled you. Chlo-how often would she leave you a latte?" She asked curiously.

The red head closed her eyes almost tasting one and tried to calculate it. "Almost every other day. Its when I was studying to be certified."

"Chloe! You were dating before graduation?"

A flinch passed over the red head and Aubrey noticed. Even though Chloe trained herself to mask most of her emotions due to her profession she was an open book to the blonde.

Chloe swallowed and dropped her voice, "a few weeks into grad school."

"Jesus Chloe," Aubrey said with a raised voice and widened eyes. "I thought you were dating for a few months RECENTLY. Not almost two years." The blonde said as she shook her head as it seeped in that her perception of Beca wasn't as accurate or as fair as she thought. And that Chloe had lied to her by omission of the truth. Pursing her lips and tilting her head to the side, debating, as she always did with her lawyer mind if she should hold back to coerce information out of a client or go at it hard and demanding she knew this was Chloe and not a client. With a sigh she approached it differently. "Okay, want to start from the beginning?"

Chloe lifted her head, stopped herself from staring at the marble countertop and looked around the apartment.

Everywhere. Photos. None of them were of her and Beca in case her family came over, but most of the photos were taken by Beca or herself. Once upon a time she was part of a collective. An equal that created a "we". She and Beca had felt like a unit. Wonderfully filled with potential and beautiful future plans.

"You want all of it?" Chloe asked hesitantly. It was a bittersweet story, filled with emotions and two people who would try and try but one person who held back. Chloe was self-aware enough she was her own worst enemy and Beca wasn't as guarded as she led people to believe. Chloe considered where to start. For a moment she listened to her computer play her library on random as it did during their brunches. _I should have given you a reason to stay. Given you a reason to stay._ _This is fact not fiction for the first time in years._ Death Cab for Cutie was right. She looked at Aubrey who nodded her head.

Deep breath. Honesty. "Okay…"


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Longer chapter. Purely fictional. Clearly Anna Kendrick didn't help produce current songs and Pitch Perfect is fictional but I'm enjoying the song riptide a lot. Oddly reminds me of Sweater Weather with its west coast vibe. I also love quotes and will be incorporating random quotes and will apply them to hopefully add to a scene/part. Chloe, Aubrey and Beca are in their mid 20's-hopefully the more mature dialog is realistic.

* * *

A dark blue frame captured a print out of a quote by one of Beca's favorite actresses. Chloe had memorized it but reread it again and found the quote too fitting in her current position. "We're all emotional, we all cry by ourselves and have moments of not really knowing what to do with our lives."-Kristen Wiig. Even though Chloe was an art, music therapist she knew that people more often than they wanted to admit felt stuck or like they were lacking momentum.

Beca though inspired here to want more in life, to not settle and as the brunette had once said as they were laying on the couch together listening to her "mixes in progress" as she called them and explained how she didn't think she'd be bored with Chloe if they got married. Chloe could remember the conversation verbatim. "If I married you that wouldn't happen to us because we'd work but also try to enjoy life versus being in a little suburban box, talking to our friends about their suburban life boxes." Beca made Chloe feel calm. As the brunette slowly touched Chloe's hands, finger by finger, trailing the sense like a sensual crawl the red head suppressed a chill. The smallest gestures would turn Chloe on and she wanted to focus on what her girlfriend was saying. "You make me calm," Beca said softly, as though she had the ability to read Chloe's mind and the therapist let what the producer say sink in. That Beca's words were layered. Her anxiety and feelings of being socially awkward, though Chloe thought she wasn't, only a little quirky made the four words have more weight given how she knew the younger woman could feel very self-conscious.; except with her, when they were together, in their bubble. But it was still wonderfully surprising when Beca started factually and ended with a curious tone that was unintentionally charming, "you know I want to marry you, right?"

The brunette clicked a few things on her computer and played Regina Spektor's 'little boxes' cover and smirked. A smile from Chloe followed and she marveled at how Beca could use songs to aid her sense of humor. She enjoyed building a life together, there were still many things to learn from Beca and she felt secure knowing she'd contently take the time to do so.

Until the bubble wasn't enough.

* * *

"I was at a record store buying something for you actually. Beca had her large headphones on, wandering around and ran into me. Literally. I had a small bruise after. We talked briefly and that was that until I saw her on campus." Chloe explained with a soft smile as though she were replaying it in her head.

"I'm still in shock that you dated for 2 years." Aubrey said with a slight frown then added, "that's when you gave me that Dixie Chicks cd isn't it?" She asked as an afterthought. A small nod was all Chloe offered and her shoulders fell a little, as though she were letting some of the tension out. This was new to her. Telling someone she loved and trusted everything she could remember. "I still don't get it, you're so open and passionate about life, but you…in a way hid Beca. It seems unlike you," Aubrey said as gently as she could. She didn't want to sound critical but facts were facts. And Aubrey knew if she dated someone and they kept her a secret she'd be livid. Though she never saw Beca angry, now that she was thinking about it, but she was certainly sad on and off. "And Chloe, this is just honesty, my perspective here-it was obvious you liked Beca before I knew of you dating. In retrospect it's because you already were dating, but you didn't really hide it well."

"I know. Things we do for our family's approval right?" Chloe asked knowing her best friend was pushed to be a lawyer by her father and the expectations that came with being a Posen.

"Chloe, I love you, but I'm going to have to disagree. Love is different. I know being bisexual isn't all to you. It's a small part and love is something you should be passionate about. You were passionate about Beca. Looking back-she was to you but I was hyper critical of her and her attitude." Aubrey admitted, rather begrudgingly because it looked for a second as though she were swallowing acid or sour milk. Being that Aubrey was lactose intolerant it was a heightened look of disgust.

"I loved her attitude." Chloe voiced gently. Even after Beca became a producer and worked her way "paying her dues" as she said she still wore her flannel shirts, skinny jeans, tank tops and overall grunge look with layers of eye makeup. What Chloe referred to as her signature look that never failed to have a piece of grey included.

"She's not dead." Aubrey noted firmly.

"Love, you're right." Chloe conceded to her friend's pattern of thinking.

"So you jumped her in the shower, she came to auditions and the rest is history?" Aubrey asked rather impatiently, but also wanted to get a rise from her best friend. Served her right for not being honest.

"I didn't jump her. I..pressured her to sing a duet with me, she happened to be naked. If she were singing in the hallway I would have stopped her then too," the red head defended herself.

"I'm still a little confused. You dated a few weeks into the semester?"

"Yeah, after auditions. The honey moon period. I think we were both nervous when it came to our first date. You know she loathes formulaic movies and tv shows so she picked me up, she made a playlist for the car and we went to a used book store a town over. Talked about our favorite books and she showed me the psych section since I mentioned I was a psych major in passing and"

"So she listened from the start?" Aubrey cut her off as she pieced it together.

"It strangely sounds like you're defending her," Chloe observed and pushed down her desire to defend herself because she knew she needed a wake-up call and sometimes Aubrey was a professional at delivering a bitch slap.

"I'm taking in a side to Beca I didn't realize was there and its unexpected you were with her for as long as you were. It sounds like it wasn't fair to her Chlo. ' The blonde said evenly.

"She could be amazing, creative, thoughtful and equally cruel. I know she said certain things as a reaction to being treated as a secret and I know I've done a lot more wrong that right, but I do miss her." Chloe said with more life in her eyes. Aubrey noticed they turned a lighter shade blue as her recently sullen friend talked.

"As you miss her she's busy with her career and possibly meeting someone. Chloe it's been 2 months. She could have met someone new. You could have met someone. So you're holding onto her?" The lawyer asked though she was certain she already knew the answer.

For a moment Chloe looked off at nothing in particular. _I miss lying down with her, sharing space and not needing words. _Instead of voicing her thoughts she pulled her phone from her pocket and scrolled through until she found a screen shot of what Beca had said and held it out for Aubrey to take.

**I don't want to keep doing this. It doesn't help. Someone cries, someone acts cold, someone possibly says biting remarks, someone says nice things and it's the same cycle. Infinite words cannot and do not change the situation Chloe. You have to see that its overwhelming in the same space. Overwhelming is the most fitting word for it because of the ambivalence of knowing I'll want to touch you for hours, I'll want you to touch me** **and I'll love those hours but feel empty when you leave. I'll be able to look at you and think…well I won't kiss her through Europe like she wanted, I won't get to take her to dinner when she graduates, I just won't have a life with her.**

"Oh Chlo…"

"She was more honest than I was."

"And surprisingly eloquent," Aubrey added under her breath. Chloe narrowed her eyes at her friend who consistently under estimated the 'music snob' as her best friend called her ex.

"In the end she said we were friends with benefits. Remember when I moved in with my sister before grad school?" Chloe paused for Aubrey to nod. "It made it hard to see Beca. I'd have to leave really early or I'd stay over at her place once every couple weeks, see her for 15 minutes here and there, a half hour, whatever I could because it was better than nothing, but she said she felt,"

"Used?" Aubrey cut her off, following the conversation.

"Yes, but she knew I was working towards a career so I could support us."

"Listen, I'm going to stress again, I love you, you shouldn't include but. You put her in a difficult situation." Aubrey tried to sound diplomatic.

"I know that!" Chloe said, finally letting her voice raise.

"I'm just saying, if I was bi or gay and dating you I'd want more than 15 minutes. Anyone would. In any relationship that's healthy."

"She said she felt selfish for wanting more. And then stupid for knowing it wasn't really selfish because it wasn't unrealistic to want a relationship. I couldn't give her a relationship."

"Playing devil's advocate here-I think you wanted a relationship too and were too scared to work for it. Maybe you were focused on school, maybe you weren't confident Beca would stay since she's always wanted to go to LA. Whatever your reasoning-do you want a relationship now? And more importantly are you willing to put in the effort? Cause love isn't easy. I think people have this disillusioned idea that it's all about romantic intentions and actions and about being equal, but I've never met a couple that's 50/50. I've handled too many divorce cases and noticed someone has a stronger personality than their partner, but it's a shame when I see people who could work and could bring out the best in each other if they worked on their issues as individuals." Aubrey said, smoothly switching into her professional tone. After all she was the best friend, the lawyer, the sister figure, the protector, the tough love. Chloe had many roles as well. The blonde was realizing Beca wasn't just a friend, girlfriend, music obsessed alt-producer, etc etc.

"She suggested that. How she thinks I'll stay with my family or might as well because I love them and they love me, even though their love comes with conditions. She's bitter about that, but she's not wrong," Chloe said with an edge of anger because it couldn't be denied.

"You're an adult. Chloe, you're 25 and no one should control your life but you. It's this beautiful word called autonomy." The blonde said with her rare snarky tone that was reserved for certain moments.

"Don't you find it ironic that as a therapist I can't take a step towards something I want but know my family's restrictions…which is what they are..are unhealthy but I'll stay in the…chaos instead of be with someone who wanted a life with me?" Chloe questioned with a frown.

"You're deflecting," Aubrey challenged after taking a sip of her mimosa. "Answer my previous questions." The therapist almost grumbled that Aubrey was being her therapist in a way, a role reversal that was needed but difficult.

"I'm going to explain my reasoning first…I didn't want to struggle with losing my family and struggle financially then strain our time together from my lack of ability to support. Beca was still in school too and I thought I'd apply myself, finish my education, find a job and not only see her but do the crazy, long list of things I wanted to do with her. Though it'd be emotionally difficult in losing my family somehow it'd be okay or bearable because I'd have one with her and an actual job and we'd get a place, adopt, we could travel…instead of just being thrown into a new environment with nothing under me. I thought it was smart to plan bigger and think beyond the present of it'd be nice to fall asleep with her and wake up together each day…but what happens when we're awake? I wanted more for us and I felt responsible to be able to support and pay it forward after I've never been able to fully open up resources to her before. I don't know…its stupid looking at it now but…I was trying to see beyond the now."

"Many things to comment on-she opened up resources to you? Also, in my opinion you were too focused on the potential and maybe weren't living in the moment enough." The taller woman said and finished off her drink to gently set it on the counter.

"She would make breakfast and bring it to me in bed, she'd make these amazing grilled cheese sandwiches that had different ingredients every time, bring me lunch because she knew I didn't get a long enough break between classes, she offered to pay for a couple semesters which I said no to."

"Hold on, minute details but where did she get the money?" Aubrey wondered.

"Some savings and she worked a lot..even when she was a teenager. She could be very generous."

"Apparently. Answer my other questions," Aubrey said without demand but led the conversation back.

"I would put in the work. I have the career now, she has hers, but I don't want to lose my family, but I don't know if she'd want me back. I mean…she was very vocal about how we were just friends with benefits in the long run… how I let my fear control me, that she shouldn't have kept trying..among other things," depression was seeping in as she explained and could remember the conversations and heated words Beca threw at her. That in itself said a lot when Beca rose her voice.

"Do you think she's right?" Aubrey asked to gauge if Chloe had thought it from Beca's perspective.

"I know I didn't treat her as a priority and I don't blame her for resenting me. I worry I'm not going to fit into her life now…which is almost funny because she used to say I didn't make an effort to fit her in mine."

"Well I know you're crazy because I read an interview about indie bands and how she's influenced them by co-writing lyrics, not just producing. She's still interested if the lead from Vance Joy is a good source. He said she basically wrote it all but had to change the pronoun to man. He seemed nice for giving her so much credit." The blonde explained.

"Since when do you read music articles?" Chloe questioned with a frown.

"Luke leaves them lying around, he and Beca are still friends, I stay out of it due to loyalty to you, but the singer's ex apparently looked like Michelle Pfeiffer so that might be why..I'm assuming you had no clue that song is mostly about you." Aubrey said honestly.

"No, I didn't." Chloe offered after she finished her own drink and twirled it in her hand. One of her tells that she was overthinking.

"Alright. All this talking and analyzing, but what matters is what are you going to do?" Aubrey said neutrally, wanting to leave everything to Chloe. Influencing her wouldn't be fair and at this point she thought it a little absurd that Chloe held back with Beca when she committed herself to really throwing herself into other areas of her life.

What are you going to do. What are you going to do? Chloe repeated in her head.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: I wanted to create a story that hasn't really been done yet (to my knowledge). It may be unrealistic and I slightly apologize for that. Mostly I wanted an outlet to create a happy ending because it doesn't happen in real life too often in my cynical opinion.

* * *

"Disaster is inevitable. Watch it unfold. Find beauty." She stared at that quote daily since it was on her desk. No one had asked the source but she was sure she would have been mocked that it came from a children's book. Beca 'badass' Mitchel had a soft spot for children's literature and kept reminders around. Small reminders to stay focused, that some beauty can come from chaos, that heart ache can lead to amazing albums, that after the emotional wreck she was in after Chloe…something good would be a result (she hoped).

She watched movies for escapism when she wasn't being a workaholic. She indulged in an unhealthy amount of youtube and found short films which held her attention more and tended to be less painfully predictable. One short she thought was well done but hit too close to home called Empty Sky. She could appreciate the woman with the blue eyes though. Her thoughts then jumped. _Maybe I should start dating. Maybe work more. Maybe get fat since I don't care about dating. _

Yeah, she was in a self-deprecating mood. Again, her thoughts jumped to Chloe in that painful, circular way. _I could be with her and knew I wasn't with her. So focus on something else._

"Want anything from fusion," Lydia asked after sticking her head into the office.

"You know I hate sushi," Beca smirked, thankful for the distraction. "Can you get me some taco bell?"

"Keepin' it classy," the blonde said while nodding through her sarcastic tone.

"I operate with the illusion of classy and it works for me, thanks." Beca said with an eyebrow raise as though challenging her friend.

"How? Cause ya dress like you're still in college," the employee replied playfully. The brunette pointed around the studio with her index finger making a smooth circle.

"Tricks people and does the job," she said with her smirk. "I'll have my usual," she added about her oh so upscale lunch order.

"It's very sad you have a usual from taco bell." Lydia said as she walked away.

Beca sat back in her chair, elbows on the arms and tapped against the wooden material. She was feeling anxious, needed another project or really needed to stop thinking about a certain annoyingly gorgeous red head. She didn't realize she was tapping out the beat to cups. Life was simpler then-a stage, a plastic cup, and college life. Blue eyes, a beautiful smile, and an adorable shrug as though saying yeah, she's in was all it took for Beca to hold back less.

Now she refrained. It was easier to be at arms' length with people. Lydia had commented she was more withdrawn and if it were possible antisocial but joked at least you're not the serial killer type. The only thing Beca was tempted to kill were bottles of vodka. Luckily she had to be an adult and wear her grown up girl pants so showing up to work hung over was not something she deemed appealing to her clients and herself. She sighed and stopped her rhythmic tapping, abandoned her seat and began to roll the stress ball around in her hands. Squeezing it was too obvious and she wanted to some days but it was oddly comforting to give her hands something to do versus scroll through her phone and listen to voicemails or read texts from Chloe that felt like they were in a past life.

There were times the brunette wanted to text Chloe and lay it out on the table. Express any thought that could be translated to words, share any emotion that was present and see if they could be better. Logic would kick in and she'd think _the truth isn't always necessary. _Because even if she were to be honest she knew it would be the same pattern when Chloe needed to be the one to change it.

Did she get lonely at night? Course. Did she still imagine a life with Chloe and simplify it to admitting to mental masochism? Yes. Did she still read texts she had practically memorized past 11 o'clock when she couldn't sleep? Unfortunately yes. Did she listen to songs and _think this is a Chloe song, this played when we were_…and then she'd play her life like a choppy movie. That's what they were becoming. Bits of memory spliced together and her music brain had a soundtrack for their relationship. Feists' cover of lover's spit, The neighborhood's sweat weather because she lost track of how many sweaters she'd bought the red head just because she knew she'd look great in them. Begrudgingly she enjoyed Taylor Swift and Gary Lightbody's the last time…was too fitting because she could be very mean to Chloe in their 2 years. Jesse had told her once that she was incredibly harsh because people who had been hurt knew how to hurt others. And with emotionally wrought lines of "put my name at the top of your list, this is the last time I'm asking you why, you break my heart in the blink of an eye" it was hard not to relate when she had told Chloe repeatedly she didn't feel like a priority to her. Feeling like an afterthought had made Beca barricade herself behind a paper thin bunker with an aftermath of shredded disarray. Sometimes she rolled her eyes at her own melodrama and sometimes she'd fall asleep listing the pros and cons to having tried with Chloe. The cons consistently won. But there was that hope Chloe would call and tilt the scale so the pros crushed the past negatives.

She cracked her knuckles and glared at her phone. It would be easy and a downward slope to listen to a saved voicemail but she wanted her Chloe fix. It helped and scratched the itch of wanting her in her life while a core part of her knew it wasn't enough when she had been with the older woman. Her hand reached out and was already swiping and scrolling through her phone and didn't register she was listening until the pressure of the phone was against her ear.

**Beca, babe, I know you're busy and in class but I really want to tell you how much I love you. I love your quirks. I love how you challenge the meaning of being a real friend with people you love and care about. I love that your brain is full of random knowledge and creativity. I love that even though you can be kind of…tentative you are deeply one of the most loving individuals I know. I love that you have this boldly quiet presence about you that's..just so different from anyone else. I love that you own a million records, I love that you smirk. I love that you read a lot but hide it and refused to go to your philosophy class because you secretly read most of the philosophy section at what I like to think is our book store that was the best first date I think I've ever had and will have…I love that you feel safe. I love kissing you. I love just being next to you. I love that you're as equally weird as I am and don't deny it. I love your sense of sarcastic humor. I love that you pretend like you don't care because you have a strong sense of pride. I love that I have no doubts you'll be more beautiful as you get older. I love that you can write beautiful…and that you only share it with me. That's selfish, I know..but..I love that you're your own person. I could keep going. I love a lot of things about you. **

Chloe sounded certain and a little bit like she'd fight someone if they argued with her about her views. Without a doubt Chloe supported the fiery red head stereotype and Beca loved it. Once a week she'd try to make the psych student mad just for the sake of how appealing it was because angry Chloe could be sexy. Sweet Chloe could be sexy. Chloe sitting in a chair with a cup of coffee could be sexy. These were just facts that played in the brunette's head after she sighed and set her phone down. She needed to stop caring, really. Chloe had been right. She pretended to not care, but she still wondered how Chloe was, how Aubrey was even. Jesse, Benji and Lydia would pull her out of her apartment and make her experience city life and occasionally Stacey would take her out on not so subtle blind double dates but the distractions were temporary. _A lobotomy would be helpful maybe. Consistent at least. Scoop out part of my brain like ice cream. _She suppressed a cringe but imagined if it were at all possible placing an x over part of her brain that Chloe took up so a surgeon could remove it like people did with amputations. The issue was most of her brain would have to be taken out. Another issue, she knew was most of her heart would have to be removed too. _I could be a tin woman and a scarecrow…okay, that's dramatic. _

"Boss lady, think fast," Lydia said before she tossed the plastic bag of food from 6 feet away to land on the desk.

"Jesus. Glad I don't like their hard shell tacos." Beca noted aloud.

"Yeah yeah. Come up with an genius ideas of yours on my death defying mission for sustenance?" The blonde asked with a playful smile.

"You're weird, you know that right?" Beca asked as she opened her food.

"And it takes a weirdo to know one." Lydia replied with a large smile and the straw between her teeth of her typical sugary drug of choice-dr pepper.

"Did you reread any texts while I was gone?" Lydia asked, turning serious.

"No." Beca stated calmly and without defense. This was their routine.

"Listen to any voicemails?" Lydia said with a tilt of her head.

The small brunette paused as she poured the hot sauce on her lunch. "Yes," she admitted, in part because she was a horrible liar, Lydia could easily tell when she tried to lie and because this was like therapy for her. The younger girl was understanding and more like a little sister and from time to time her friend would check in on her and see if she was letting go of staying in limbo as Lydia called it.

"Mm. Alright." The younger girl said without judgment. "Feel worse?"

The producer shrugged, honestly unsure. Ambivalent with a side of annoyance in herself that she couldn't be rational and less emotional summed it up. "I'll tell you when I figure it out." She offered.

"Okay," Lydia nodded slowly, letting Beca know she wasn't about to pressure her. Her friend couldn't be pushed, she had to come to terms with it all and process the mess that was, in Lydia's opinion, the result of an emotional grenade, but without the clichéd Bruno Mars lyrics cause lord help her, if she met that man she swore she'd have to leave the room before she yelled your songs sound like they're written by pre-teens, stop it! She and Beca had that conversation already and thankfully it had pulled Beca out of brooding mood at the time. Lydia knew she had to be gentle with Beca. And time.

"Let's make something great," Beca said with restored enthusiasm, though a little forced, and got back to work. Distractions were Beca's plan until she could think of something better.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Shortest update so far. Its moving slow but that's the point-being without someone can feel like a stand still. Hope someone enjoys this story.

* * *

Running fingers along her sides was one of her favorite pastimes. She remembered moving her fingers slowly over her tattoo, wondering which word she was grazing. Beca would fall into her more, settle her body on her in her endearing cat-like way and Chloe loved how pliable the brunette could be in rare moments. She shifted her hand to Beca's back. Like her side she felt the raised skin of a tattoo. She loved that Beca had them, had them on her, and admired her creativity.

Chloe missed seeing the notes Beca would make in the shower after she hung a dry erase board on the tile wall. The marker clipped to the side moved daily and proved Beca's theory that her best ideas came in the shower when the world was cut off and bad acoustics surrounded her. The smaller woman claimed she really had to challenge herself to make a song sound good under those conditions and Chloe couldn't stop herself from hearing her girlfriend singing in the shower bitter sweet. On one hand she was singing and working out lyrics and on the other hand she wasn't in the shower with her but found it oddly rational that Beca used the shower as her think tank.

Now she was alone. Aubrey had helped her clear their brunch and left to enjoy her day off with Luke. The red head sat indian style on her comfy couch and processed the morning. Her best friend had teased that for two professional women who seemed very straight laced, smirked to Chloe and asked her to pardon her wording then continued to explain they both went after the non-traditional types. Beca and Luke with their tattoos and alternative look and lifestyle of not working 9-5 jobs and focusing on music was about balance. The lawyer had shrugged and tilted her head as she voiced how Luke managed to put up with her in some ways and she did the same for him. With a pause she admitted Beca and Chloe did the same for each other. Chloe made Beca more focused, Beca made Chloe more at ease.

But here she was alone thinking of what to do. Playing memories and reminiscing was easier than really doing something. Making a point to Beca she wanted her in her life was a massive, emotional step that involved losing a family for 1 person. And was it worth it? Chloe loved that the younger woman was incredibly creative. Not just with music but with making things. She remembered Beca's look of disgust as Chloe dove into sushi and ate to her heart's content. "I hate fish," she had noted and grabbed her left over pasta instead of stealing a sushi roll from a smiling Chloe.

The next week Beca surprised her with sushi made of various candy. She had placed it on the counter with a small smirk and said, "this is the only sushi you should eat." Chloe had picked up the plate and slowly spun it around examining it.

"Where did you find these? They're so cute!" She noted as she looked at the cake middle and Swedish fish on the top that was held together with fruit roll ups and licorice.

"Technically Pinterest. And I should have worn gloves. It's all so sticky," Beca admitted with a cringe. That was one thing no one really knew about Beca-she had a little OCD. Textures. They had been shopping once and Chloe held up a shirt for herself that had a great design and would no doubt fit well but Beca had only looked it over for a second, touched the garment, and gave a gentle no. Chloe knew Beca wasn't the demanding type, but her opinion was still firm.

"Why?" Chloe asked with a slight head tilt.

"It's not soft. I'm not going to lay with you if you wear it…then again, buy it and whenever you wear it I can take it off you..win win.." Beca said with a growing smile. And that was the day she knew she couldn't go shopping with Beca because the brunette made her want to kiss her too much in public.

On the other hand she knew Beca loved when Chloe would come over after class, tired, frustrated that it ran over and would immediately start to take off her pants once the door was locked to her apartment. "Top shelf," Beca would call over her shoulder and removed one side of her headphones in case Chloe was up for conversation. Chloe made her way through the apartment, feeling half asleep, and knowing it was okay since she knew the apartment like the back of her hand. She breathed in, always liking that Beca's place smelled like vanilla and sandalwood.

"Thanks babe," Chloe came back in, kissed her cheek, and nearly blushed that Beca always looked her over with appreciation. She didn't think that would get old. The brunette had mentioned in passing she loved Chloe in anything but her relaxed clothes were cute and classy. Chloe made her hair into a bun and noticed Beca completely ignore her work. Dark blue eyes skimmed her from head to toe as Chloe stood a foot in front of her. It was obvious this wasn't one of those days they were going to be productive and work on assignments.

"Have I told you lately how…absurdly beautiful you are?" Beca said with a slightly awestruck tone. It would have been easy for Chloe to feel self-conscious but her girlfriend slowly looked her over and occasionally would stall over parts of her body. She knew Beca loved her arms, how they were soft but had definition, her collar bones, shoulders…

A barely there frown passed quickly over Beca's features as her eyes wandered lower to her stomach. Beca's thoughts could practically be heard, she could be transparent, and it was times like this Chloe loved it. The taller woman had changed into a tank top as well and Beca wasn't thrilled she had a top on at all. She watched as Beca gently moved her laptop to the table and raised her hands to gently hold her hips, fingertips slowly moving under the material to graze along her sides. Chloe dressed like it was summer, but Beca was in her usual sweater and jeans. It was chilly and the season was one of Chloe's favorites because it meant Beca would try to steal her body heat as soon as they lay down to sleep.

"You don't have to wear this.."Beca said contently with a mischievous edge in her eyes. "In fact I would be very grateful…and I'm sure all of humanity would..if you took this off."

"All of humanity is watching us huh?" Chloe asked with a light smile. Sometimes her girlfriend could be a nerd.

"They would if they could." Beca said after lifting her lips away from her exposed hip. Chloe placed her hand on the back of Beca's neck and kept her there while the punkish woman pulled her closer. She could feel Beca breathing her in, enjoying skin and warmth. The brunette's hands were often cold and it was winter so it didn't come as a surprise that Beca was being Beca and burrowing into her.

"Are you going to fail anything if we keep this up?" Chloe said curiously. It was a valid question. Beca could spend an hour just kissing her, a half hour to undress her, and hours doing more. If Beca was a coffee drinker she swore they'd have marathon sex and they'd both fail out of their classes.

"You know I don't fail," the smaller woman stated.

"Hypothetically, because…sometimes you don't go to class," she said as she moved closer to the brunette who had moved her hand from her hip to her backside.

"Philosophy doesn't count." She said nonchalantly. "I read the material when I was in high school anyway," she mumbled into Chloe's stomach as she continued kissing her body.

"Secret nerd," the red head had sighed out, too focused on Beca's actions and attention she was receiving to have a conversation. She felt the smaller woman pull her closer so she was sitting on the couch with Beca between her thighs. For a split second Chloe thought Beca should wear glasses and how cute it would be. No doubt she'd only wear them in private, but she considered how it would only make Beca more appealing.

The memory stopped there because she wasn't about to replay everything. She'd done that enough. Beca moaning, Beca saying she loved her, Beca whispering-you feel beautiful. Beca pulling away. It was too much and they were just memories…weightless thoughts that weren't the real thing.

Chloe missed the feeling of Beca being in the same room as her. How the space felt more lived in, shared, and the moment more worthwhile. Even if she was studying and Beca was editing it felt right that they were together. That theme played again-they felt right.

Blue eyes looked around her apartment and found her laptop under the newspaper. Smoothly walking across the living room she moved the paper and pushed open the computer. She impatiently waited for it to load as she thought of the details of how to get across the country to LA.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Short chapter and I may run out of steam with this. Based after my own life...so...eventually I'll make a happy ending just because I can.

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Chloe remembered almost tripping over balloons…if that were possible, she thought she'd manage it. There were dozens and dozens of colorful, plastic spheres on her bedroom floor. Different sizes and some not all spheres but the kind you'd see at a carnival that were tacked onto walls that people throw darts at to win obscure prizes. She had been really stressed for a week and a little short with Beca on occasion with simple things. When the brunette asked what she wanted for dinner over the phone during the 5 minutes she had between classes she had snapped and said anything. An apology was on the tip of her tongue but she quickly excused herself and sighed in frustration that she was almost late for class. She'd make it up to Beca tonight and made a mental note to do so.

Instead she had come back from her last class and could stop smiling when she saw her girlfriend sitting on her bed surrounded by colorful chaos. For a solid minute she was in shock and couldn't stop smiling. In fact her cheeks hurt and Beca was busy staring at her laptop with her headphones on to notice until Chloe practically screamed-Oh my god!

Chloe almost gave the brunette a heart attack who barely heard her girlfriend over Beginner's song Ever Love playing. Taking in a quick breath she looked up and saw a gleeful Chloe. That happiness hadn't been in her blue eyes in a while and Beca was glad she could cause it in some way. Balloons=$5, blowing them up=an hour and a half, pinched fingers from tying them…all of it was priceless when it came to the older woman's reaction. Chloe gently but with excitement pulled the headphones off and kissed Beca on the lips as though she hadn't seen her in years. Just as Fauntella Crow's song delicate started and for a split second Beca had the semi-lame though that her and Chloe had a soundtrack.

"I love you! Do you have any idea how much I love you?" Chloe asked with more enthusiasm than normal.

"I can pretend I don't and you can tell me," the seated girl said with a smirk and almost was distracted by Chloe leaning over her.

"To the moon and back," she replied easily and watched as Beca fell into the bed more as she pulled her closer by her shirt, both knowing referencing a children's book made Beca a little malleable and more affection than usual.

That was what Chloe was thinking and replaying as she tried to focus on choosing a departure date. Taking a deep breath she realized she needed to slow down. Beca could be out of town, she'd have to ask Amy where Beca would be in the next week since the blonde was known for going to the store on a bi-weekly basis. With another long breath she wondered what Beca was doing right now.

Walking Backwards by Leagues was blasting through the studio and the boss was tapping a pencil to her desk, over thinking and not thinking enough. Productivity was on halt. "I've been lookin' for a new emotion" was being sung and she wished she had the long distance relationship conversation with Chloe before she moved. They hadn't talked for a while and she still cared but was questioning if she should move on or try. A long distance relationship still involved missing the red head but they'd at least be connected. Chloe wouldn't have to try as much, in fact, to Beca it seemed reasonable. They'd still be together and checking in with each other, supporting each other but Chloe wouldn't feel the pressure of seeing Beca behind her family's back.

It wasn't ideal and the brunette thought she could end up feeling used again, but acting out of fear or being hurt was what Beca did years ago and she learned that she ripped herself off by trying to protect herself so much. She knew that behind closed doors Chloe gave it her all, anything she felt she expressed, any thought she could translate to words she'd share with Beca and the brunette thought it was beautiful. Took a while to get used to that Chloe could be that open, but she admired Chloe for feeling so much, even if their goodbyes had been dramatic and intense. They had their great moments though she thought as she switched to eating some popcorn. She blamed Jessie for having it be her go to snack now. Her mind drifted to the little things she loved about her ex. How Chloe always slept on her right side, when she'd kiss the back of her neck it would put the redhead to sleep in a matter of minutes, falling asleep faster than by her own means, and it went both ways because when she had a headache she could count on Chloe to rub her back and hold her as she tried to nap through it. Chloe had even said she enjoyed taking care of her and how rare it was Beca allowed it, didn't put up a fight and was less guarded. In fact Beca was less guarded after being with Chloe. Didn't surprise anyone that the older woman had that effect, but it still managed to sneak up on Beca. Chloe as a whole snuck up on Beca.

Boom. Chaos. Jessie jumped up and did a high five with Lydia and a fist bump with Amy who just came in. They were passing around each other's phones. Beca noticed it as she leaned in her chair and looked out her office that overlooked the entire "homebase" as Jessie called it.

"Finally!" He yelled and did his little happy dance that made Beca's eyebrows go up.

_What the hell._ She thought and went back to her busy work of eating popcorn. She might as well treat it like she were watching a movie. Her friends were entertaining.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: Wrote this tipsy, felt relaxed which was overdue. Like it, hate it, live your dreams people. This is it.

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It didn't count as crying if she teared up. To her it only counted if they fell and were really visible. Bare. Out there for the critical world to see. If it was just watery eyes she could say it was just dust, contacts, a twig or a branch in her eye.

She wouldn't admit it but she liked Easy A and would mentally say the lines after Jesse had forced her to watch it. It came down to semantics and bending definitions because few things in life seemed concrete. She could only control herself, her choices and that was it. She knew she didn't have any say over Chloe's life. That was very apparent when Chloe didn't talk to her for a month. They had talked on and off for a while after Chloe had graduated but it dropped off quickly. The last thing Chloe had said was I'll talk to you when I'm off the road. She didn't hear from the red head after that, leaving Beca to think she had an accident, she didn't want to talk to her. The younger woman could appear calm but she was worried. She also knew she didn't have any control if Chloe had an accident or was hurt or simply was moving on.

It was days until she sat at her computer staring at her compose email tab. She couldn't even think of the subject. Just checking seemed lame, Are you okay seemed weirdly demanding, and so she went with something easy-S.O.S. There was that hope Chloe would reply and at least say she was alive or busy or that she had even met someone. She'd take that over Chloe was in an accident. Another week later she settled into the idea that she cared about Chloe but she couldn't do anything more than worry and realize it was a dead end. Her next choice was to throw herself into work.

It took her some time to feel like an adult. Gone were the years of living in a dorm. Now she had bills, an apartment, a semi-stable job, a small vw hatchback that looked worse for wear but got her to and from places she was scheduled to be. Most days she felt rushed. She appeared calm but as Chloe once described her-still waters run deep. She was charming but subdued, talented but not flashy and Beca genuinely smiled then kissed the red head for the unwarranted compliment.

Now she was standing in her kitchen. There was loneliness and alcohol to counter it. If she couldn't have a relationship she could use a substitution method and have one with vodka…and orange juice so she could tell a worried friend she was getting some vitamins with a smirk on her lips and narrowed blue, grey eyes that appeared more shrewd than usual.

She wouldn't admit it out loud but she enjoyed being out of it because it helped her relax. Her stresses decreased, she thought less, things seemed softer, less pressing, less heavy, but she'd still drift to Chloe. How kissing her right now would be…ideal, for lack of a better word. Everything seemed slower, like she had all the time in the world. Immortality to kiss her and feel.

_1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3, drink._ She was listening to Sara Bareilles' cover Sia's overplayed Chandelier. It fit her mood to a damn t. Emotional, building, and freaking raw. If she were with Chloe now she'd probably give into anything the older woman wanted. Not that she was malleable but comfortable and willing to let someone influence her. Walls were less solid with alcohol.

It was raining. The doorbell could barely be heard over her "storm" playlist. Setting her drink on the coffee table in her small living room she slowly made her way to the door. A pale hand was raised ready to knock when she opened it.

_Oh shit. I'm hallucinating. Chloe's here. Chloe…here. This is like that movie…ah…Ruby Sparks. I mani-freaking-fested Chloe with my imagination. Holy fuck Einstein was right. Do I have ADD?_ She almost turned around to glare at her drink as though it were the culprit. _You give me too much credit_ she thought the drink would reply to her. For a second she really thought she was crazy creating a dialog between herself and her poison of choice but she couldn't drop her focus away from blue eyes that seemed bluer than she remembered. _They're definitely bluer._ And she almost laughed out loud that her mind went to a Dr. Seuss quote-today you are you, there is no one alive who is youer than you.

Chloe seemed composed and beautiful. In her tan raincoat, red scarf, black pants, and blue blue eyes that Beca kept noticing even after her eyes drifted head to toe of her manifestation. The brunette tilted her head a little and turned around to get her drink. It was time to pour it out, drink some damn water and go to sleep.

"Are you going to let me in?" Chloe's soft voice said behind her and she almost cringed having heard her voice. It had been weeks since Chloe had called or took time to even lecture her about being safe in the city.

"Sure," she said nonchalantly but was annoyed with herself for letting alcohol get to her this much and heard Chloe step in. "We'll see if you're real in the morning," she said as she watched the last of her drink go down the drain.

"Beca," Chloe said with confusion and with a reaching tone. The red head didn't know if she could touch her. Beca had certainly looked better before. She didn't look trashed but tired…on the edge of being worn out. The smaller woman was gently setting the glass in the sink and watching it fill up with water. Methodically she rinsed it out and turned to get some ice. Chloe missed that Beca could be graceful when she was tipsy. She watched as Beca drank long from the glass and set it in the sink. "Beca," she said with more force and sighed when her own exhaustion moved into her.

"You're not real, it wasn't real…someone in a relationship wouldn't ignore a text…"she said to the counter and with a flat tone. "It takes four seconds to reply," she said with a frown that she was maybe having a conversation with a ghost and her frown deepened knowing she didn't believe in them.

"I…" she started and didn't want to give an excuse. That she needed space, that she wanted to see if it was worth it, how she wanted to see if emotions would lessen with time and space. "I'm sorry." She chose two words instead of a speech. "I love you," she said after a pause. It wasn't dramatic, she didn't raise her voice, but easily offered the truth.

"I loved you," Beca said after her own pause. _Why am I talking to my imaginary "friend"? _Wrapping her hand around the back of her neck she pulled at the tension. _What could it hurt to be freaking honest?_ With another deep breath she admitted, "I love you." Pulled at the muscles in her neck again and added, "but it wasn't enough."

"It was enough. I'm here," she said stepping closer. "I want this." Her hands reached out and gently held Beca's hands now that they dropped from her poor attempt at a massage.

The physical touch did it.

_She's here. Here…_ then her brain glitched and she couldn't process anymore. Instincts and repressed emotions came. Every worry she had for Chloe, every bit of anger from not hearing from her, happiness that she was here and calmness that she wasn't insane made her start to cry. Actually cry and commit to it, the emotions, the uncertainty, and the layers of it all.

"I'm here, I want to be here," Chloe admitted as she pulled Beca closer. She could count the amount of times she had seen Beca cry and tear up, but stay on the cusp of holding it in. This was Beca in rare form. Raw and painful to watch, but it was Beca. "I love you," she said as she touched the side of the smaller woman's face.

"..You love me…but are you going to try? It was cruel Chloe. You know I care, you know your family isn't going to contact me if you're hurt because they don't know I exist…what..what the hell is wrong with you?" Beca said reaching or coming back to the anger part of processing her ex being here.

"I want to be here," Chloe replied with certainty. It was gently said but it was words made of fine steel.

For a split second in her dissipating anger Beca thought _then sleep on the couch. _

"I want to be here," Chloe repeated as she stepped closer. She was mindful to not invade Beca's space and make this anymore uncomfortable than it was, but she needed to be closer to her.

"Don't.." Beca started and Chloe stopped moving. "Don't hurt me again like this. I'm serious. You'll hurt me, I'll hurt you, it'll happen. But don't do this again." She said with an edge and slight pleading which ticked her off to a degree.

"Okay." She replied gently. "I promise." Chloe offered.

"You can't promise that," Beca said through her cynicism that was more realistic than she wanted to admit.

"I promise Beca." Chloe said with an absolute tone, one that the red head refrained from having often because there was room for change if something wasn't absolute. This was different.

The taller woman moved in and kissed Beca's cheek. Small steps. She knew she had to earn Beca's trust, knew it wouldn't be easy and she didn't want them to rush this. They stood in the apartment together, making small movements, holding and trying to rebuild.

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The End. Yes, it's not the best ending but it seems realistic. Hope this was enjoyable to some extent.


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